obesity among children, IELTS TASK 2, band 6.5

The rise in obesity among children is getting worse year by year. Some people believe that government is responsible for this matter, while many blame it on parents. I believe that parents should play a major role in preventing their children from getting overweight.

Looking at modern parenting style these days explains much quite well why this is happening. Children these days are allowed to consume too much much more fast food than we did in the past. Fast food offers contains a lot of sugar, preservatives, chemical based flavors, fat and other harmful ingredients that are very hard to be digested which in turns are and get stored as fat.  Thus, parents should be more conscious of what they feed their children with, and should also encourage them to take on a balanced diet even when they are away from home. 

What is more, due to an ever-busier lifestyle, parents have less time to spend with their children. As a result, children are introduced to playing gadget electronic gadgets to occupy them, even babies and toddlers are not excluded. Consequently, these little fellows tend to sit whole days staring at their gadgets with less without physical and outdoor activities. An even more insidious threat trend is that they tend to take consume junk food while playing with their devices.

Government The government on the other hand has less power to control what these children eat and to encourage them to play and exercise. The least government it can do is to organize a healthy lifestyle campaign which can only be succeeded with parents’ support.

All in all, there areis  nothing much that government can do to encourage children to live healthily. It is all up to parents how to educate their children to be healthier persons.

	Evaluation Report
Word count	273
Comments	All the parts of the task have been covered. The ideas are presented coherently. Paragraphing of the essay is fine. The range of vocabulary is adequate for the requirements of the task response. There are a few errors in word choice and grammar but overall, the response is still easy enough to understand.
Estimated Band Score	6.5
Suggestions	1.      Revise grammar and improve sentence structures. 2.      Learn more vocabulary and improve choice of words. 3.      Always proofread the task response after finishing it. 4.      Keep practicing to improve your performance.