military service. IELTS TASK 2, band 6.5

In many countries, young people that have graduated from school are obliged to attend military service. It is suggested that this system should be adopted by all of other countries unexcused males or for both males and females. I strongly agree with this recommendation as military service is proven beneficial.

First of all, teenagers that are who have just graduated from school have not yet met the adult world. Thus, this will give be a good introductory course for them before they enter the real world. The training will put them in physically and emotionally under stress thus preparing them to face the harsh world. They In the armed forces, they are expected to grow with a strong personality, irresistible and also be physically tough and fit.

What is more, this course allows them to meet new people from all over the different places. This gives them chances to socialize and make friends and connection be connected with strangers. This would be a great social training especially for those who never left their town since they were born. They are now able to learn and practice how to fit in the society before they have to fit in with their future colleagues in higher education or job worlds.

Most importantly, the military service can give basic knowledge on military arms to all the citizens. This is rather important in actual events, if they were under attacked attack or there is a sudden invasion from the outside. Thus, in this emergency and urgent situations, they are expected to know their roles and religiously be on in action. The last thing to expect in such situation is to get have a panic attack. Thus, the training can help prepare everyone to face such events.

All in all, military service is very important to prepare all the young people not only to enroll enrich their future but  also to face any unexpected events.

	Evaluation Report
Word count	296
Comments	All the parts of the task have been covered. The ideas are presented coherently; it is evident that the writer progresses from one idea to another. Paragraphing of the essay is fine. However, there are a few errors in word choice. Even though there are some errors in grammar, they don’t make the meaning much harder to understand.
Estimated Band Score	6.5
Suggestions	1.      Revise grammar and improve sentence structures. 2.      Learn more vocabulary and improve choice of words. 3.      Use synonyms to avoid repetition. 4.      Avoid writing more than 280 words. This will help in saving time and reducing mistakes. 5.      Always proofread the task response after finishing it. 6.      Keep practicing to improve your performance.

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