shopping is dangerous- IELTS task 2, mistakes spotted

Some people can be very obsessed with shopping. They shop just to feed their sense of satisfaction and happiness. This essay will address how shopping can be dangerous by luring one to become self-centered and thoughtless when it comes to money.

However On one side, wise shoppers are completely under control; they know their limits and prioritize their needs and desires accordingly.  This is proven by the fact that many people are still able to settle their bills every month without miss and they spend fairly enough on their family matters. They are very good in  at managing their finances enabling them to plan for a better future.

On the opposite, shopaholics are people who selfishly spend their money unnecessarily and they also irresponsibly neglect the priority of their needs. Instead of settling their bills or fulfilling their children’s need, they tend to spend it over other insignificant things like a fancy kitchen cabinet or  a silver necklace. Their desire always wins their decision, which turns them into self-centered persons who care about nothing but themselves.

What is more, with the advent of credit cards, many consumers have thoughtlessly starting collecting more and more debts in their life. As a consequenc and many have been declared bankrupt due to failure of settling their own overdrawn.  There is little doubt that these shoppers do think about planning for their future as they already spoil it with bulk of debts. They will then struggle in the future just to settle what their past has left carried forward.

All in all, most of the evidence points to the fact that indeed shopping is truly dangerous. It drives them people crazy turning them into monsters who spend recklessly just to fulfill their insatiable desire.

	Evaluation Report
Word count	277
Comments	All the parts of the task have been covered. Paragraphing of the essay is fine. The range of vocabulary is sufficient. However, some ideas are not highly convincing and errors related to grammar and word choice are distracting at times. In addition, there are instances where sentences could be written in a better way. Overall, the essay can be improved further.
Estimated Band Score	6.5
Suggestions	1.        Revise grammar and improve sentence structures. 2.        Learn more vocabulary and improve choice of words. 3.        Always proofread the task response after finishing it. 4.        Keep practicing to improve your performance.
Helpful links	Writing Correction Service - to order a correction click here IELTS preparation e-books - download a free trial here Sample essays, letters and reports - click here Learn vocabulary from this link - http://www.scribd.com/doc/244244/Check-your-Vocabulary-for-IELTS

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