the breakthroughs in medical science- IELTS task 2, mistakes spotted

The advances of in medical science have saved thousands and more of lives. The vast new discoveries related to health care has have put the world in much better shape than it would be was in the past two centuries. This essay will discuss the breakthrough of whether breakthroughs in medical science which has  have contributed most on to social development.

In the past, when epidemic diseases such as chicken pox, cholera and yellow fever attacked and contiguously spread around the world, they almost collapsinged the whole nation. Hardly anything notable can be executed let it be technological, machinery, political or social development as people were too busy treating the diseases or at least isolating themselves from getting the diseases or transferring ones. The economic growth were devastated  was greatly affected by the pandemic diseases and the world just became unproductive and volatile.

However,  advances in medical science development has have significantly revolutionized the scenario. The discovery of cures and treatments for previous and new diseases, epidemic, fatal and cancer like conditions allow people to no longer live in fear of getting severe diseases. For instance, the introduction of vaccination entitles one to fight disease before it could collapsing affect the host. Principally, the vaccines work by introducing the hosts with weaken pathogens that cause diseases and triggering the hosts’ immune system to be prepared with the right mechanism to fight the real one better.

The contribution advancement of medical science allows better health to be achieved by all people around the world, which only then allows better development of other aspects including industrial revolution. Health is definitely essential for humans to work and contribute efficiently and thus develop better nation.

In conclusion, humans have developed progressively into modern and sophisticated society but it is only possible by means of medical science intervention.

	Evaluation Report
Word count	288
Comments	All parts of the task are covered. The ideas have been presented relevantly and explained coherently. Paragraphing of the essay is fine. However, there are several errors in grammar and word choice. Overall, the essay can be improved further.
Estimated Band Score	6.5
Suggestions	1.      Pay more attention to grammar. 2.      Improve choice of words. 3.      Always proofread the task response after finishing it. 4.      Keep practicing to improve your performance.
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