Modern technology now allows rapid
and uncontrolled access to, and exchange of information. Far from being
beneficial, this is danger to our societies.
What do you think?
Current technology allows us to exchange and share
information unlimitedly especially via media social
social media like Facebook and
Instagram. Many adopt this current trend as something normal but others content contend that this trend is rather danger dangerous to
the societies.
From my point of view, sharing everything online for example
put puts a
vast treat to our personal life. First of all by
, sharing everything to with the
public actually gives us no privacy. Thus putting
ourselves this puts us in
a very vulnerable positions position as others can trace our activities.
Posting our current position for instance might attract psychopath to follow us
and put our lives in a real threat. On the other hand, others can tell about our
personality, weakness and this could be used to attack or against us.
What is more, sharing everything to
with
the world gives others uncontrolled access to our pictures and information.
This information could be exploited and used in fraud, or any cheating schemes.
Many have been reported to lose their information and facing face financial
problems set by the fraud.
Moreover, this trend forced
forces us to be perfectionist to
exceed people people’s expectation. For example posting on our kids kid’s development,
we might end up obsess being obsessed to show their best
progress. This will make us forcing our kids to excel in studies and to perform
their best in any sport or competition. This will make them living live in
pressure and thus psychologically defect affect them.
All in all, we should not share everything in with public as this puts us in a very
vulnerable position. This unhealthy trend also makes us living live in
pressure to precede people people’s
expectation which is too abnormal and unhealthy.
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Evaluation
Report
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Word count
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270
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Comments
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The
candidate’s effort to accomplish the task response is visible. The information is presented coherently; it is evident that the writer
progresses from one idea to another. However, there are several errors in
word choice and grammar. Overall, the essay can be improved further.
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Estimated Band Score
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6.0
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Suggestions
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1. Revise
grammar.
2. Learn more vocabulary and improve
choice of words.
3. Read
sample essays from our website.
4. Always
proofread the task response after finishing it.
5.
Keep
practicing to improve your performance.
Writing Correction Service - to order a
correction click here
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