Living in competitive world, children are reckoned to be
outstanding in their studies and paradoxically lose the values of humanity.
Some people believe by encouraging children to work at an early age might mitigate the situation by widening their view
about the world and learning process as a whole.
In order to achieve good grades, children are urged to studying hard and as a reward they are pampered
and spoiled with wealth and luxurious lifestyle. Somehow, this kind of
treatment makes children become materialistic and selfish just to achieve what
they want. These little minds thought think of
nothing else is matter
but themselves and tend to ignore what revolves people around them.
On the other hand, by encouraging minors to work if
minors are encouraged to work, they will gain valuable experiences
outside their world and be able to mingle with others from different ranks of
society. These children will become less selfish as they grow up watching
others who have to suffer just to get by. This will nourish them with good
moral values like empathy toward others and makes them understand hardship and
appreciate the worth of money. The difficulty that they have to endure to
perform their works teaches them to be tough and rough to face this cruel
world. They can latter
survive
in their later life even if their parents are not around to
assist and support them.
All in all, I believe putting kids to experience working
life teaches them how life works and that helps them to be more concerned and aware about people around them. On the opposite, spoiled
kids who are never once exposed to working or volunteering work may grow up as
self-centred persons who are thoughtless about and show callous
disregard for the feelings of others.
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Evaluation
Report
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Word count
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277
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Comments
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All
parts of the task are covered. The ideas have been presented coherently; it
is evident that the writer progresses from one idea to another. Paragraphing
of the essay is fine. The range of vocabulary is sufficient here. However,
there are several errors pertaining to grammar and word choice. Overall, the
essay can be improved further.
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Estimated Band Score
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6.5
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Suggestions
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1. Pay
more attention to grammar.
2. Improve choice of words.
3. Always
proofread the task response after finishing it.
4. Keep
practicing to improve your performance.
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Helpful links
|
Writing Correction Service - to order a
correction click here
IELTS preparation e-books - download a free trial here
Sample essays, letters and reports - click here
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